I went in for a routine mammogram on July 21, 2004. The technician did my mammogram, I waited for my results, and she asked me if I had time to do an ultrasound because the radiologist found something.
     Initial fear came over me, something was wrong, but it never occurred to me that it was breast cancer. The radiologist and technician did the ultrasound; he showed me a small spot in my breast, too small to feel in a physical exam. He suggested that I do a biopsy and that he could do it right away. Of course I agreed.
     By this time my fear was growing stronger. The radiologist took some cores samples. He was very gentle and understanding. He looked at the tissue from the biopsy and told me that he was 99% sure that I had breast cancer.
     The fear overtook me I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t think. I couldn’t even cry I was in shock. I’m sure if I could have looked at my face at that moment it would have been as white as a sheet.
     The people in the room with me were very calming, the radiologist told me that his mother had had breast cancer and he suggested that I get surgery as soon as possible. He gave me two names of surgeons the one surgeon had performed surgery on his own mother. What better recommendation. They offered to make an appointment with the surgeon for me. I really didn’t have to think about anything while I was with them they took care of me they made sure I was okay before I left.
     I searched for my car in the parking lot and started to go to work. On my way to work it started to hit me, I cried. I wanted to call my husband, but I was driving and I knew I couldn’t do both. I was having a hard time just concentrating on my driving. Should I go to work? I went to work. It would take my mind off the terror I was feeling.
     Looking back in retrospect I probably should have gone home. My husband called me on his lunch break like he usually does. I told him what they said. He was in shock and disbelief. I explained to him that they were sending my biopsy in for testing and that I would get an answer tomorrow. I was on the verge of tears most of the day.
      One of my co-workers sensed that something was wrong and I confided in her what I found out, but that I wasn’t telling anyone until I found out for sure that I had cancer. She gave me a hug. I really needed one.
      The next day the radiologist called me with the results of my test, I had breast cancer. I called my husband to let him know the results.
      When I got home from work I told my youngest son, he was the first one home. I started to cry and he cried with me and he gave me a hug. It was very hard for him to hear that his Mom had breast cancer. My stepson came home saw how upset we both were and left to talk to his Dad to find out what was wrong; he thought that someone had died. His Dad told him that I had breast cancer. He wanted to know why it had to happen to me. He couldn’t talk to me for three days. He didn’t know what to say or how to react.
      I told my oldest son the next day when he came home from work, at his house. He listened to everything I had to say, evaluated the facts and said that he thought that I would be okay because it was caught so early.
     The next day at work I met with each staff person to tell them that I had breast cancer. There were tears and hugs and support. I went over to my folk’s to tell them, it was hard to tell them and it was hard for them to hear. I don’t know what it’s like to find out that one of your children has cancer. I hope that I never do.
     About a week later my husband and I met with the surgeon to discuss options and get the surgery scheduled as soon as possible. From the time I found out I had breast cancer to the time I had surgery was only a three-week period. I really didn’t have time to think about it. My husband was very afraid for me. He read everything he could about breast cancer to help me and support me.
       I wasn’t going through cancer alone, “we” had cancer together. The day I had surgery I was so frightened. I was more afraid of the surgery than I was of having cancer in my body. It didn’t feel like I had cancer, I didn’t feel sick.
   I felt fortunate that my sister-in-law was at the hospital with my husband, she gave me strength and guidance. She had experienced cancer herself and knew what I was going through. After my surgery I guess I was very disorientated, I don’t remember anything until I was sitting and eating toast. I don’t use alcohol or pain relievers so the anesthesia really affected me. I was feeling really good.
     The sentential node test they did while I was in surgery tested negative, it wasn’t in my lymph nodes. I was so grateful.
      A few days later we got the results from the lump removed from my breast. I had grade 1 stage 1 ductal carcinoma insitu and the edges were clean. That was good news; my biopsy was stage 1 grade 2.
      We were learning the language of cancer. Our lives revolved around recovering from cancer. Three weeks after my surgery I started radiation treatment.
      I went to work in the morning then to radiation treatment and then home. I was driving about 100 miles everyday. My coworkers were bringing in meals for my family three times a week to help alleviate stress and let me rest when I needed to. The seven weeks of radiation went fast. The technicians were thoughtful and respectful. I missed them when I was done with treatment.
      During this time I was going to the library researching alternative medicine and learning how to be healthier. We all know eat right and exercise, but there’s more to being really healthy.
      I felt like there was something wrong with me because through this whole process I never felt angry and I didn’t ask the question why me. I knew that God had a reason why I got cancer; I just didn’t know what that reason was. I know that many people get very angry when they find out they have cancer. I just didn’t have any anger. I thought maybe I was in denial, but when I talked to a nurse about it, she didn’t think I was in denial. She felt that I was making the choice to not be angry. I still don’t feel angry today, nine months later. I learned earlier in my life that anger could just drain the life out of me and it wasn’t worth the energy. I needed to concentrate on getting well and getting strong.
     I’m doing the five-year treatment plan prescribed by my oncologist; I’m getting Lupron shots once a month to turn off my ovaries and force me into menopause. My cancer was fed by estrogen and progesterone. I’m taking Tamoxifen twice a day, an estrogen blocker.  I’m experiencing many of the side effects; hot flashes, night sweats, joint pain, dizziness and a change in my vision.
    I’ve been taking these drugs for eight months; after three months I had dizziness most of the day everyday. I probably shouldn’t have been driving to work everyday.
    I still get some dizziness but it comes and goes quickly now. Because of the side effects from these drugs I felt worse than when I was going through radiation treatment. I didn’t want to take the drugs. I felt torn about taking the drugs or stopping the drugs. To make a bad situation worse my insurance company was processing my claims different and I had to pay over $350.00 a month in co pays for a medication I really didn’t want to use.
     Finally I was lead to a wise woman, Rose Ann, she helped me answer the question I was struggling with: should I stay on the drugs? Yes, I should stay on the drugs for the full five years. I don’t want a reoccurrence of breast cancer. 
      After meeting with her I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t feel obsessed about my medication anymore. The cancer is gone from my body and I’m getting stronger everyday.  I’ve surrendered myself to the medication and let my body use it to heal me rather than to fight it.
     Internally I can feel the struggle is gone; I can feel myself getting stronger. I will survive breast cancer and I will share my story with all the women in my life. I know that having my routine mammogram saved my life. 

Jean L

Delano, Minnesota

My email address is:   Jeanl_breastcancersurvivor@yahoo.com